Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Tumultuous Tuesday: Relations 101

Relationships are hard.

There's been so much anxiety around the idea of me moving back home.  I don't want to upset things.  I don't want to ruin the relationships I have with my family.  Things are better now than they have ever been.  It's tempting to just find my own place, keep things the way they are with my family and continue burying myself in debt.

Instead of doing that, I'm going to do it the hard way.  I'm going to suck up my pride, ask for help, and try to make it work.

My parents don't really understand how important it is for me to get my doctorate degree.  My dad thinks that a job should just be something you do to earn as much money as possible with the least effort, so that you can afford to do the things you LIKE to do.  Maybe its sophomoric of me, but I don't see it that way.

My brother is an extraordinarily talented musician.  He plays his guitar, sings, and writes music as a way of life.  Its as if music, to him, is air.  When he's not making music he might as well stop breathing.

This, my parents do understand.  Maybe its easier.  They support him entirely -- emotionally and in many ways financially, because they understand my brother's relationship with music.

Now, I'm the same way about ecology.  I see it everywhere I go.  Every choice I make has some link to ecology, every time it rains in the city I start thinking water quality, every time I eat out I wonder where my food came from -- I live, breathe, and sleep SCIENCE.

But I guess that's harder to understand for some people.

Now, I have two options.

One. Go straight to a doctorate program and start working on what will become my life's work.


Two. Instead of jumping straight into a doctorate program I'll take some time off, work, pay off some of my massive debt.  Who knows, maybe I'll find the job of my dreams. . .  or at least something that I don't hate with every fiber of my being.  That's more likely.  Get a job, pay the bills, re-stabilize life, and then, once things are settled a bit, think about going back to school.

Such tough decisions.

Hopefully things will work out.

Dad also says - if you want to make God laugh, show him your plans.

But I don't really believe in God.

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