At times I feel old, as if I have lived long enough to know all, as if I carry wisdom in the dust on my feet.
I am a fool.
I know some things of the world. I have so much more to see, to learn. I must remember that knowledge is not understanding, experience is not wisdom. I have only just opened my eyes to the world, my life thus far only a glimpse -- and blurred as in the first moments of waking. I have learned that the world will not hand over its secrets to me calmly. I must fight, clawing my way against the surge of those who bet against me. Sometimes it is only a battle to stay afloat, in other moments I seem to speed ahead, leaping and diving forward into life head first.
Sometimes I find myself sinking.
Yet, I have been blessed enough to be loved. Those who love me have come and pulled me back towards the surface countless times. I must remind myself to remain calm, so I do not drown them in my panic, or force them to let me go. This lesson has been hard to learn, and certainly not one I have mastered.
One thing I have learned:
Trust is such a delicate creature. In one foolish, panicked moment it be shattered, crushed, suffocated -- and it cannot be resurrected, there is no 'breath of life' or miracle technology that can heal those wounds. If you are lucky, bits of trust might be found buried in love (as love cannot die, only languish), and from those remnants you can begin to rebuild.
I only hope that as I discover the world, I become less a fool, stepping carefully and remaining calm, so that I can pull those who are sinking up with me.
MEEC was pretty awesome! I probably could have done an oral presentation instead of a poster. Since I'm doing a poster for the ESA conference it was good practice. Especially in designing the poster. I started out trying to use PowerPoint "smart art" to beautify the poster : NOT A GOOD IDEA! Smart art is more of a headache than its worth for posters. I met some pretty awesome people, heard some interesting talks, thought extensively about what I want to do for my doctorate, and ate some AMAZING food. Overall it was a successful conference! It wasn't as formal as I expected (hoped?) it would be, and it was REALLY small (only about 120 people total) compared to what the ESA will have (try closer to 1200? 3000? Not quite sure?)
I'm meeting with my advisor and a crew of important people associated with the project today to plan the next round of research. We're essentially going to increase the number of sites we sample at, but limit to two weeks of collection, one early summer and one late summer. Should be interesting!
I have four more vials to point and then the pointing will be finished! So the Summer 2010 samples will then be identified to morphospecies (with help from Tom at CMNH) and quantified. I'm pretty excited for that.
So much to do!
Classes are going well! GIS is harder than I thought it would be, so much to remember!